This is the You You Were Always Meant to Be


AngelicView: I pulled this exceptional NDE account out of the archives from 2012.

This is the You You Were Always Meant to Be

I was in a roll over accident on a busy major highway, on my way home from a two day shopping trip. Traveling with my dog, after the car had rolled and was upside down, I screamed and panicked for my dogs safety. Not knowing that I had been injured my only concern was for my dog, I heard him climb over broken glass and run out onto the highway.   

As the paramedics worked on me on the ground I kept pleading for someone to find him.  I did not care what happened to me, I just knew if they let me up I could call him back, then I would go to the hospital if they wanted. But all I could think of was – let me up to find my dog.  Of course they ignored my pleas, and of at that time I had no idea I was so near death.  Loading me into the ambulance I then knew my chances of getting up to get my dog were now gone.  My heart was in a frenzied panic.  Above me were the can lights of the truck.  I remember looking up and out of the clear blue I found myself pleading to God, for he had made my dog, if he was out there, he was the only thing that could make circumstances that would keep my dog safe until someone could find him. 

 With great suddenness, the light from that can light came down over my face, into my face and down the length of my body.  As it traveled, it became feeling and that feeling was one of peace.  Also as it traveled the length of my body it pushed the panic ahead of it, and that panic exited the bottoms of my feet.  It traveled the few feet between the gurney and the back of the truck.  I saw that the back truck door was open about three inches and all of that feeling left, went out into the soft blueness of the sky that I could see on the other side of the door.  If by cue, as soon as that feeling left the opening of the door, I heard it close and click shut, someone on the outside pounding as they do to let the driver know he is clear to go. In that very instant I knew that all was well, my dog, myself, everything.  Something in my head told me to just observe and relax, I was being taken care of, all was good.

I was not thinking religious thoughts or praying, the moments were going by too fast for me to collect my thoughts enough to do anything like that.  I was able to speak and give information to paramedics and doctors when at the hospital.  I must have been fading in and out of consciousness.  I saw faces come and go over me but I wondered why the hurry, I knew that everything was going to be ok, didn’t they?  

While in the ICU I was told I would be put to sleep for a time, as I was bleeding into my lungs.  I agreed to this and of course remember nothing from that point on, as to what went on in that room.   

At what time I do not know, but I opened my eyes ( or what I thought were the opening of my eyes)  I thought that I was still in the room I had been brought to, but instead, I was surprised to see my self encompassed within a beautiful yellow gold light – very intense and very soothing.  My first thought was how did they do that in this hospital room? Is this some type of new way to comfort patients?   The edges of the gold were tinged with a beautiful orange glow and I have no idea how long I bathed within that color, but I was what I would call conscious of my thoughts at this time.   I could look 360 degrees in all directions and this is when I realized that even though I was totally aware, I did not have a body, yet this did not feel strange to me.   At some  point I was pulled into many colors, each getting more vivid or intense and colors changing colors from within. 


Sounds were heard too and I knew somehow that this was music.  But both colors and music were far different from anything experienced in my lifetime. The colors were 3-d as well as the sounds, and there was by far a greater magnitude to the range of colors and notes than we experience in this realm.  It was totally amazing and even though I was awed by what I was being shown, it still seemed so very normal and my heart drifted into the most overwhelming peace I have ever known.  Sometimes the colors moved very quickly, other times I was able to feel them and feel them passing through my soul.  I felt what each color had to offer, this is very hard to explain but I guess I would say that basically as each color flowed over me, or through me, I became one with that color.  Again the notes of music and range of colors were far greater than what we use in our daily realm of existence here.  At one point I did have a conscious thought about the color white, where was it?, as it was not found within this spectrum I was a part of.  Somehow without words it was made known to me that it was not mine to see at that point.  but I was allowed to “feel” where it was, and I could tell it was directly above the colors and went out to each side as far as forever and high as forever, hard to explain.  

When I would seem to get a conscious thought about things, it was as if a soft gentle hand, like that of a loving parent, would stoke the left side of my soul, and somehow whisper to me, to just let go and “be”  that was the only thing I was to do.  For the first time in my entire life, I experienced what that was like – to just “be”. I am still in awe of its profoundness and simplicity at the same time.  Once that seemed to happen a layer of understanding came into my soul and it was as if I could see and understand what it was like to be the infinite,  yet self at same time.  but there was no “time”  – all just “was”.  I could have been there for a few hours, I could have been there a thousand years, it would have been the same feeling, time did not seem to exist. 

The colors got more intense and more detailed, turning into patterns and textures and weaving of both color and sound.  While I knew that this was not of our world, it all seemed natural and without need for explanation.  At some point I understood the essence of creativity and was given the “joy stick” of my own imagination so to speak, to create my own visions.  It was amazing what ever I thought became vision, and swirled around me in its own reality.  I realized my unlimited potential as a human, I realized the unlimited ability to feel love, I knew that I was being held in that “love” and I knew that this was the forever-ness of that love.

I knew what it was like to LOVE the way that God loves, and when that happened my “heart” opened and I could feel my soul touching that of the unseen creator, I knew that “God” does exist and we are a part of it all. 

At such time that I first started to come back to consciousness I fought with my mind to go back, I did not want to return to this reality.  But it was almost like a door shutting and I was back in my own body, my eyes open and my family trying to bring me around.  When I remembered that I had a family I was shocked, as I had no thought of them while in my coma.  I somehow knew it was not mine to think of anything but what was my state of beingness.  It was awhile before I could tell my family that without feeling guilty for not having thought about them, since I did feel I was capable to having had those type thoughts while in my coma. 

My experience did not stop when I woke up.  Somehow knowing I had been with God, I seemed to take on the roll of passive observer of my life before me, and at one point when alone in my hospital room I turned my head and without warning I saw my whole life in vision on the hospital wall.  It was not just my life but that of my parents, my friends, my family, I saw so many things long forgotten and how they all weave together, it was hard to grasp as it was all happening so very quickly, yet I saw it with an understanding as to what was being shown.  With great speed it happened and all of a sudden the visions became feeling and it was as if they rushed from the wall and were drawn directly into my chest.  I knew at that moment my life was exactly where it was suppose to be and all was well.  I felt great peace and happiness. 

The doctors were amazed at my recovery at I was told that they had never had a patient in their trauma unit with lungs as severely damaged as mine that lived.  I was told that I would be in the hospital for a few months and it turned out I was only there 18 days.  I knew I would heal rapidly, it was just a fact to me, as I knew I had not been truly injured. 

Yet my experience did not stop with just the hospital stay.  A few days after coming home I was at one point early in the evening overcome with a great desire to sleep, going into my room I barely made it to the bed and had fallen across it sideways and into a deep type of sleep.  All of a sudden I awoke to see everything around me become a very deep sapphire – indigo blue.  I was in a hospital room and there was a nurse taking care of me.   I could not “see” her, as she was the same color as everything else, yet I knew she was there.  I was told that they had one more procedure to perform on me. 

For a moment I was scared as I knew that I was no longer in the hospital, so how did I get back here?  The next instant I was on an operating table, the table was soft and covered in white sheets, I could not see this but knew this to be so.  I looked down my body and knew that there were many people in the room, but they weren’t people, they were caretakers or doctors of some sort.  They too were the color of this deep blue, their scrubs, their bodies as well.  In fact the room, though it felt very small I knew expanded to infinity in all directions with this deep deep blue.  A voice came next to the left side of my face and though no words were spoken, imparted to me these words:  “This is for you, this is our gift to you….this is the you you were always meant to be.” 


I got scared, what were they going to do?  I looked down at the “doctors”, and though I could not see them, knew that they were looking up.  I too looked up and out of the dark blueness and unseen light that was above the blueness around us, came this soft wisp of what I thought was smoke.  Very long tendrils of smoke, almost like the steam that rises from a hot cup of coffee, but this was descending down.  Down and down we watched it float, at one point it appeared to be about 12 feet long.  It descended over my chest and as I watched, this delicate wisp of grey swirls was absorbed into my body between by breasts.  I could feel it enter and an un named peace settled over me.  I looked down the bed and saw the “doctors” parting at the foot of the bed.  Through them came a very soft invisible liquid that was the same color as all else, that deep deep midnight blue.  As it entered the souls of my feet it started turning into the most beautiful aqua blue I had ever seen, glowing from within,  The edges became this glowing aqua blue and as I watched the center filled with an amazing white light –  the same type of white light I had known was above the colors I had felt in my coma. The light became liquid. All of this came up through the soles of my feet and started filling my body.  I felt the warmth and love as it came up my legs.  Soon it was inside my entire chest cavity and I lay back looking at the ceiling and just feeling what all this was like.  It was as if my own arms came around me from around the bed and wrapped themselves around me.  I was overcome with the most intense emotion I had ever known.  I was loving myself.   

I awoke in a sitting position tears covered my tee shirt.  There was another dream after that as well where I was given a chance to see what the essence of humanity looked like it its raw form, when hatred rules the soul, but I am not comfortable finishing that part off.  It was shown to me for purpose of comparison, but I am not led to dwell on it. 

The experience in total has changed the very fiber of my being.  Again I was not out looking for this, it just happened, and as far as I am concerned I did die, and a new me has taken place.

PS.  The dog is fine and back with me.


8 thoughts on “This is the You You Were Always Meant to Be

  1. That is an amazing experience! The colors sound so beautiful. I felt very peaceful reading it & trying to imagine the peace & love you felt.Thanks so much for sharing.

  2. Amazing. Beautiful. Thank you so very much for sharing! Abundant blessings to you & also I’m so happy you are reunited with your dog! :):):) Much love & joy always.

  3. Thank you for posting this! In a way, it reminds me of Mellen-Thomas Benedict’s NDE in that parts of it were interactive. The idea that we could be proactive in these transformational moments is a powerful one: Perhaps my lesson is to be that way while I’m still wearing skin.

    ‘: )

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