“I Will Go in There. And I Will Remember Who I AM.”


AngelicView: Here is a really great STE (Spiritually Transformative Event). For those who don’t know, an STE is not necessarily an NDE, can involve an OBE – but sometimes not, but it always is an event that changes a person’s beliefs or a person’s whole life. It just doesn’t neatly fit into a category. In this STE, the experiencer tells us that his heart stopped beating. But I’d like to suggest that perhaps this whole experience may have happened literally ‘in between’ heart beats!

He was very depressed and felt suicidal when his guide(s) pulled him out of his body and had a little talk with him. Once he got some more information, he remembered that he had been pulled out of his body before and spoke with his guides, but he wasn’t allowed to remember. This time he was only going to come back to his body if he would be allowed to remember the experience with the other side.

Thanks so much to Mark for sharing your enlightening experience 🙂

I had a rough start to my earthly existence. The childhood experience was extremely unsafe, full of suffering, living in poverty, insufficient levels of love and happiness to keep me going. However, I was always a very strong-willed child. My parents were very indoctrinated into the institutionalized systems, including Catholicism. This just created a further rift where my freedom was being challenged at every level of my being, but beyond all the repercussions, I was able to maintain a strong connection to my intuition.

Regardless of my strong intuitive guidance, living in complete opposite to the institutionally accepted beliefs and values is a life of constant struggle. It’s much easier to accept the indoctrination and live within the system, then it is to stick to your moral compass. Because if you have to challenge the system, you are an individual fighting an army of sheep and authority-figure actors, so it’s a constant battle just to survive. And being a human you are limited by the financial systems, where you have to act within them to maintain any stream of food or shelter. So you have to live on this planet integrated as a part of it, as a person that disagrees with every fundamental belief, including the most basic — that each person should have the right to death at own volition. It’s a life full of struggle and very little reward, if you could imagine.So by the time I was 16 I really wanted to die. I had enough of the torture and I just didn’t see any hope for conditions to improve. At this point I had completely broken freeakiane-child-life from the catholic indoctrination for about 3 years, but there was still the doubt at the back of my mind that — if I kill myself it may result in eternal damnation. So this idea kept me from going through with the suicide.

Then I had an experience that changed everything. The instant I “came-to” I wrote everything down to be sure I would never forget the details.

It was a Saturday morning where I could see the light coming through the window in my room, and I could hear my siblings were already awake watching TV in the living room below. I had what appeared as “sleep paralysis”, my eyes were open but I couldn’t move. It started to freak me out, so I wanted to scream for help, but couldn’t. I wanted to bang on the floor, but I couldn’t move my arms. I was panicking. But then my heart stopped beating, and I just knew “THIS IS IT!” When you’re about to die, there is no doubt, you just intuitively know. It’s like you’re being called/summoned from the other side.

Next followed suffocation. With the heart and lungs no longer functioning, I could feel the oxygen completely cut off. Couldn’t breath. At this point I remember from my religious indoctrination that “if you accept Jesus on your deathbed, you can still get into heaven.” So at this point I’m like “YES, YES, JESUS, I’LL OPT-IN ON THAT!” Moments later everything around me turned into white light and I was traveling through a tunnel. I could feel myself being squeezed, almost as-if I was moving through a tight-straw. It was shown to me (I understood) that my body was heavy and dense, and that I would have to leave it behind. So this squeezing experience is one where only the “light” part of you gets sucked through.

Appearing on the other side, I find myself overlooking earth from space. Not sure if that’s where I was; if anything, it’s how I conceptualized the idea of heaven (being above earth, somewhere out there in space), so this concept was used to illustrate my position in the ethereal world. Most noticeably, I feel incredibly light and calm. All the burdens of the world got left behind with the body, and all that is left of me is the calm thinker. I feel I am in a place of incredible love and happiness. Being here feels so good, it energizes my soul just being present, after all those years of sadness and despair on the planet it’s a huge difference.

A voice speaks to me. Not sure where it’s coming from, somewhere off there in space I suppose. I recognize the voice instantly as my guide. The voice speaks with great wisdom, and I feel he has more insight than I do. As the voice speaks, it is not through sound, it is through thought-blocks. We are somehow connected, and as he sends the thought-block, I understand it in its entirety. It is an understanding that goes beyond words, includes everything like memories, emotions, and concepts. As soon as the voice speaks, I instantly recognize and understand everything that is being said.

Starts off by telling me that the voice (and others present) have been watching and are fully aware I want to kill myself. This thought-block unravels layer-by-layer instantly in a split second, just experiencing this communication through thought-blocks was remarkable in itself. But I see that they have been observing me living in great pain and anguish. They see I haven’t had any happy in my life. And they also see I’ve been confused about suicide and “eternal damnation” and all the crap.

So they showered me with love, just a cloud of pure love, and it felt like my core self was bathing-away all the earthly nastiness in that love. And instantly I knew that there was absolutely no judgment. I knew that they fully understood the pain that was my life, and they loved me so much, they would never want me to be tortured. They showed me that — yes, I’m allowed to kill myself; and when I do, I don’t have to justify my actions, because they already understand. They showed me there would be no judgment, because there is only complete understanding. And with complete understanding of the person — mind, emotions, memories — there is nothing to explain.

Next, the voice asked me, “Do you want to go back?” It was perfectly clear that this decision was up to me, I wouldn’t be forced to live if I didn’t want to continue.

As that thought-block unraveled, I could see that I chose to be born in the first place. I remembered the memory I had before I was born — I was looking down on planet earth from this ethereal place, and I actually had other ethereal friends too, and we joked about how the people on earth were so forgetful. I could see the people running around on earth, busy with their lives, but many of them living very sad unfulfilled lives. But they were so caught up with life, they forgot who they are at the core (ethereal beings too), as a result living without freedom. We laughed because the beings that got born in always said the same thing, “I will remember who I am, I won’t let the world make me forget.” But by the time they were about 10 years old, almost all of them were so heavily indoctrinated by the world, that by age 10 they had completely forgotten the truth. We laughed at how some gave up sooner than others. I don’t know, you had to be there to get it. Playful teasing.

So as I was joking with my buddies, I felt ready to go back (in my previous life, I had died in a world war with a bullet to the head). I told them “I will go in there and I will remember who I am. And then I will remind others who have forgotten about the truth as well, so that they too can be free.” But here I was, 16 years old, and the world had beat me down so much that this is where I found myself again.

So when the voice asked me, “Do you want to go back?”, I instantly remembered this memory that I had before birth and of the intention I had set. And in that instant I felt that there was more I wanted to experience, I felt incomplete, and so I entertained the idea of going back. Not just to fulfill my mission, but at the time I was also a virgin, and I really didn’t want to die before seeing what all the fuss was about.

I told the voice I would go back under two conditions. The first being that I would be allowed to remember our conversation. It was important for me to take this memory with me so that I wouldn’t fall back into the confusion of the system. In that moment I remembered that in fact, I had several experiences like this one before, when I was younger — at least 2 or 3 occurrences at different ages where I was pulled out of the body and consulted my guide. Each time I would be so excited at remembering of this place of pure love, saying “the moment I go back, I will tell all my friends and family, this is so exciting they just have to know!” But the moment I wake up, I would sense that urgency to tell them all of something important, but what? I would no longer remember. Each time I was sent back, they blocked the memory from being accessible. So this time I said I’m not up for it anymore. Either they allow me to keep the memory, or I’m not a willing participant.

The second condition was that I never wanted to work. The whole experience of working looked so dull and lifeless, I just told them straight, I’m not going to be doing that. And I’m tired of being poor, so you better get me some money.

So they agreed to my conditions (at least the first one, I don’t know whatever happened to that second one). I woke up instantly after that, mind completely blown. I rushed to my computer andOurTrueSelf quickly wrote down all the details from our conversation. I still have the original file from my computer. That was 11 years ago.

After I finished writing down all the details, I walked downstairs to the living room. My sister was there watching TV and I told her, “You didn’t hear me knocking on the floor or screaming?” And she didn’t hear such a thing. So I told her, “Well, I just died in my sleep, heart stopped beating, and I was sucked through to the other realm where I met with my guide, and basically granted me permission to kill myself.” As I told her the other details she was blown-away to say the least.

In the 11 years since then, I have looked through a lot of spiritual material to make sense of my experience. Up to that point the only exposure I had was to catholicism. I find that “Abraham Hicks” teachings are the closest representation of what is really going on “behind the curtain”. I’m pretty sure that life is not “a test”, it’s also not a limbo where you are forced into life to have a “learning experience”. We only come here to have some fun, because there are experiences you can have in the physical world that are not available in the ethereal world.

♦ I felt it was an experience I had before, where I was taken out of my body to meet with my wise spirit guides. I was always so happy at the experience, and anxious to tell my family about it when I returned. But every time I would wake up, the memory would be blank (had been taken away from me), and I would only feel the urge to say something important, but I can’t remember what it was. This happened to me at least 2 or 3 times when I was a young child, like 8 and 11 years old. So when this experience happened, I told my guides “the only way I will go back is if you let me keep the memory”, and they agreed, and seconds later I was waking up from my bed with the full details still in my mind. So I knew this was something I had wanted for a long time and that I finally got it, the ability to tell my friends and family.

♦ [I] No longer fear death. No longer believe in hell. Now believe suicide is a right for anyone that wants to escape pain, suffering, or poverty.

♦ Mainly I don’t speak with people about religion anymore. I don’t attend religious events. I don’t hang around depressing/annoying/loud people. I don’t put up with abuse from anyone, including a boss or authority figure, because I am a free being and I do not fear death anymore.

♦ Everything happened instantly. I felt like were were having a back-forth conversation, but it was all in thought-blocks, which transmitted huge amounts of information with them (emotions, perceptions, memories). But when I was having the experience, I was just basking in the bliss and love, and I wasn’t concerned about time. But it did feel like I spent a good bit of time with them. It felt like they did give me time to consider my answer, when they asked me “do you want to go back?”

♦ I’ve had a couple lucid dreams where I had great awareness. I was conscious, with a body, and I could actually move around and do things. I would have complete discussions with other beings. In some “dreams”, there was meetings where I knew there was people who had physical bodies on Earth, and others who no longer had physical bodies; and we were all gathering to meet and communicate.

 “Do you believe: God definitely exists?” It’s unclear because most people associate “God” with the biblical figure. Even the idea of a God as the top of hierarchy doesn’t seem accurate to me. I do think there is pure-divine conscious beings that are beyond Earth. But if one of them is in control of the whole show? I don’t know. If anything, we are a part of the one, and we are all deciding what happens next. It’s like the individual intention vs. global intentions.

♦  I feel I have to stick to my pre-birth mission, and carve out a life that will help people liberate from the confusion about “who we are”.

2 thoughts on ““I Will Go in There. And I Will Remember Who I AM.”

  1. I enjoyed reading this. But one of the things the author said was second here to have fun. What is fun or pleasant for those who live lives of endless suffering, torture and mental or physical pain. Also his experience seemed to convey that suicide was OK. This is not something I hear too often.

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