AngelicView: Jennifer was 40 years old when she gave birth to her fourth child. Little did she know when she walked into the hospital how much her life would change! Shortly after giving birth, she went into a very dangerous condition called Disseminated intravascular Coagulation (or DIC). It has to do with the clotting factors in the blood coagulating together. Basically, your blood clots up and so with the platelets being used for the clotting, you start bleeding. Your blood stream moves around all these clots and you have strokes, heart attacks, and tissues (like fingers, for example) dying due to clots blocking blood passages. It’s survivable, but very dire. One of my dear grandmothers died years ago from DIC after heart surgery.
And so a visit to the Creator was in her cards for that day. Lucky for us, she came back to tell us all about it. Below I will post an excerpt of her account. Thank you Jennifer, for sharing your story 🙂
I had periods of lucidness and periods of delirium, periods of unconsciousness and consciousness, and twice I coded. Once, I was pronounced dead. I had an out-of-body experience when I was coming off the effects of the morphine in which I was trying to get out my restraints. I was screaming that they had no right to tie me down and was ugly and thrashing about. Suddenly I was out of my body and looking at myself in the face, and said to myself, “Jennifer you look like Lynda Blair in the exorcist” at which point I stopped screaming and laughed and fell back into unconsciousness as I re-entered my body. I think the first NDE I experienced was when I was suddenly “wide awake.” That was the sensation and awareness I had, of being wide awake. My thought was lucid but I was definitely not in this world.
I didn’t exist, actually. I was aware that I existed only as a thought, and I quoted to myself, “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes). I thought about Descartes and wondered that he knew when he said that, and that I understood now what it meant. Wherever I was, was neither black nor light, perhaps a void. I fancied myself like a genie as I hovered there. I was perfectly lucid in thought, but was aware that I was nothing more than thought! I considered it, curious. I was not afraid, everything was peaceful beyond understanding. and then it ended as suddenly as it began. Another NDE I had was very different. I was a space this time. I pondered that I had known of stories of NDEs where people had floated above their beds and seen their bodies below them, or had seen a bright light and the figure of someone beckoning to them. I was aware that “behind” me, was a light and an entrance way of some kind, like an arbor. I couldn’t actually see it, I was simply aware that it was there. I pondered that if I “turned around” (in quotation marks because I had no physicality, no shape, no form, I was still a thought with no eyes or body) then I would be able to “see” the light; I knew it was there for me.
For a split second I was curious, but that’s as long as it lasted. In the same instant I knew immediately that if I looked I would not come back. I “yelled” at myself, “NO WAY! I’m not EVEN curious! I’m only 40 years old, I have WAY too much to do!” I wanted back and then again I lost otherworldly consciousness.
Yet another time, I was aware of being combined with all the other “thoughts” or shapeless and infinite “souls” of every person who or creature who has ever lived or dies or been or is, those waiting to be born and those who have already lived and died. i was aware of suddenly having infinite knowledge, I knew all languages, ALL languages at once, all religious thought, all everything. I was one with the Creator and with Creation itself. I was the Creator. We all were; those who haven’t come back still are. It’s impossible to describe. I was aware that my earthly body, my container or vessel of my soul had been shed, and I was so much more. I knew all things. I was God along with everyone else, and yet God was still there in superior existence too. A universal power that was gentle and kind, humble and pure. God lives in me, the soul of God was breathed into my dead body when I chose to live. Individual thought awareness yet of one being one whole without definition or separation away from each other. We were in and through and with each other. It was incredible. Humbling, beautiful beyond beauty, and powerful in the most gentle and kind of ways, and loving and peaceful that “transcends all understanding.”
The other NDE I had was when I found myself in my late Uncle’s operating room in Pennsylvania. Unbeknownst to myself or my mom (his sister) or any other of our relatives in Florida, Uncle Bill had gone into the hospital for routine elective surgery to remove some polyps. He wasn’t ill so it was supposed to be an easy routine operation. I found myself together with him, “hovering” in a corner of his operating room, watching his medical team cover his dead body. We didn’t speak or look at each other really. He didn’t wear glasses as he had in life, and it’s the only NDE in which it seemed I had a shape or form, as did Uncle Bill. We communicated, however, without speaking and without words, somehow. We communicated a meaning, conveyed a knowing. I don’t really know how to express it. We watched them cover his body, and then we turned and left the room.
♦ I was in my highest level of consciousness and alertness when I was physically dead. I had at least four separate and distinct NDEs where I was very much “conscious and alert” on the other side, but either clinically dead or brain dead and in a coma on this side, and at least one out-of-body experience when I was physically conscious.
♦ The vision during the experience isn’t like seeing with the eyes; it’s seeing through your heart, with your heart. Eyes aren’t necessary. So vision is feeling, knowing, sensing through an expansion of love. Everything is incredibly clear. After the experience, when I woke up from the coma, every was incredibly crisp, but I saw through my heart which was and is the true vision center.
♦ Hearing wasn’t hearing with ears, but understanding. I didn’t physically “hear” anything that I know of, I simply understood things. I guess that could be construed as hearing clearly and thoroughly. I could understand all languages, all voices, all thoughts of those who had passed before me. It was weird. We were like a river of flowing undefined body of water, as if I had just been poured out of my vessel that contained me here, and into the whole undefined, infinite body.
♦ I hesitantly probed for my dad, who died in 1997, but I got the feeling that he stayed away purposely because he knew if he came to me that I would go with him. I was pretty certain that he was sending me a message, though, that he wanted to play a few more peaceful games of golf on the perfect course before I came to disrupt his game, and wanted to kick me back to this life!
♦ I strongly connected and became one with the people who had been on Sept 11th’s flight 93, or rather with their souls. They were formless like I was, a part of the infinite pool of wholeness and oneness. They seemed to consider themselves to be survivors of the tragic disaster, joyful, humble, flowing and in flight. But all souls were there, all one.
♦ Since I had several distinct experiences, they differed somewhat. When I saw my Uncle, I actually saw him and we had some physical shape and form in spirit. I can only guess that we must have been in the in between and before going on to the join the universal wholeness, the ocean of One Spirit. The encounter was brief. Uncle Bill was going where I had been already and came back from. In some ways, I’ve often felt that he took my place. I was allowed to come back, so he went. But he came back and stayed in my hospital room with me three days and three nights after I awoke from my coma, until I was all clear health-wise.
♦ During some of the time when I made the choice to return, I did have some visions of my sons and my little daughter and another child (my baby) without a face. I had a sense that my little girls and my sons still needed me, and there was something very important. When the thought, “I still have way too much to do” went through my being, it seemed to be something about my sons in particular.
♦ I was suspended in time and space, it seemed, aware, existing of thought, and I thought about the stories or books I’d heard of about people “seeing the light” and then returning to their bodies. I knew that if I looked, and there was such a thing, I would be able to see it, and for a split-second I was curious to confirm such stories. In the same instant, I knew that if I did, it would be all over. I would be gone for good and never to return. In that instant, I scolded and urged myself, saying, “NO WAY! I’m not EVEN curious! (even though I was, I told myself otherwise). I’m only 40 years old! I have WAY too much to do!” whereupon I struggled to go back and fell into “unconsciousness” (blackness/nowhere-ness) again.
♦ At first I couldn’t pick up a Bible or anything spiritual for about a year or two. That was weird. I think I felt that I would be transported and have more conscious NDEs. I also knew them now to be so awfully limited, I couldn’t compact myself or my soul down into a book or human physical words. I think, therefore I am. After a couple of years I then began searching for something or an organization of people who “got it” and don’t “have it all wrong.” I still find that while good intentions are out there and good-hearted beliefs, there are still flaws in all of us, and everything we create. I know that even as I write these words I’m flawed, too, and almost definitely some of my intended meanings will be misinterpreted because of my faulty explanations. Life beyond isn’t like that, because all thought is known and understood.
♦ I have an entirely different understanding of God after the experiences. I believe that all are related, and trying to pin it all down into one religion or another is missing the point. We cannot define God, whatever we wish to call it. God isn’t a person or an entity; God is undefined, fluid, existence, essence of life. Everything is a soul and spirit, even the rocks and the hills. If it is in nature, it is spirit and life. I realized especially the significance of the nature of being a soul with a body, rather than the other way around, which is the way that western religions teach it. When I came back from the experience, the words “they have it all wrong” resonated within me when thinking about major western religions. I knew that I had been with, in, and most importantly, OF the Creation and Creator; that is the life that was breathed back into my dead body, and lives in me now. I had experienced that One, I was and am the One that lives in me. I had understood in “tongues,” meaning I understood all languages and could communicate simultaneously with all. We were all one, so communication wasn’t as much linear, with one word after another like it is in the world. Thoughts and ideas flowed, but not the same way. I knew all things, strange as that sounds. It was beautiful and humbling. The God that man has made into his image is very different than the God of Life Itself. The simplest lesson that Jesus taught: We are God. Jesus got it. He understood the deepest and most significant aspect of who we are and who God is. Since my experience, My religious understanding doesn’t really align with the standard Christian or Catholic understanding I was raised with or have been a part of. The world doesn’t seem to readily embrace this concept.
♦ I had been skeptical about stories of near-death experiences, seeing the light, seeing one’s body, etc. That changed. Also I had learned all my life that God is separate from us and doesn’t want us to have his knowledge or immortality as described in the book of Genesis. I had different beliefs about what heaven was, about Jesus and about how believers are supposed to behave and what they’re supposed to believe. My idea of God and Jesus and Holy Spirit changed radically. I learned that we are not separate from our creator except as we choose to be separate. Consistent with my former beliefs are that the universe is created and we are part of that creation. Inconsistent with my former beliefs is that we also perpetuate the creation, that we are God. It still is difficult and a little bit scary for me to say that, because I was raised to believe that it was blasphemy for anyone to say something like that, and anyone who believes it is off their rocker, and possibly dangerous! Jesus was considered a blasphemer by his peers, too. I had always learned that God is separate, “holy,” omnipotent, demanding praise and sacrifices, and that humans are infidels, undeserving, unworthy, sinful by design. Now I know that I am God, however, an equal not a lesser. God breathed life into me and lives in me now. It’s a humbling knowledge, though. it’s also pure love. I believed in death, pergatory, and heaven/hell as a “place” you go “up there” to “live” out eternity, but i learned that isn’t the way it is. We choose life to start with, and we can choose reincarnation into this world or another world, this universe or dimension or another, and this form or a different one. We can also choose to remain in the whole Oneness, and it is all flexible, not permanent, just as this life on earth isn’t permanent, either. I have continued to receive revelations regarding religious beliefs as they have been handed down through the centuries, but here I’m relaying only what happened during the experience itself. I learned that it doesn’t matter whether Jesus was married or not, or whether or not Mary was a virgin impregnated by a spirit, or not. Those are manmade necessities for faith, somehow! Knowing God inside me, I’m not sure why it’s so important, except perhaps as an excuse to be imperfect, less than we are created to be, by saying only jesus was perfect and sinless and born of a virgin. NO. Jesus said we are all alike; he never put himself above anyone else, and often the opposite, and taught others to do likewise. Wash each others’ feet. Serve. Humble yourself in love. Be courageous in the face of adversity. Do the right thing even if it means personal sacrifice or humiliation.
♦ I value life, do not fear death but rejoice in it, knowing that death is not an end but a beautiful togetherness, flexible, unending, another exciting journey. I still believe in God, but I see more clearly the exploitation of biblical knowledge for power and self-gratification by large organizations, and often by individuals. I see how insignificant our lives are as one self in comparison with the whole journey; our egos are bigger than they need to be. Humans tend to be self-important, but we really aren’t the hotshots we like to think ourselves. Our scientific knowledge has come a long way, but is still in baby steps. It’s much bigger than us. Mostly Christian idea of “heaven,” “God’s Kingdom,” etc is all wrong. When we as people love enough and harness our love, really internalizing love’s power, and believe in our godliness and holiness and magnificence in the same way, when we internalize and allow ourselves to be the creator, then we will know heaven. It’s ok to argue with God. The God of man, or man made God is not the same as the true One presence.
♦ I also encountered infinite voices, and again no voice like we understand a physical or earthly voice to be. It was more like thoughts or vibrations or rhythms, rather than voices.
♦ It was … a knowing that life was infinite, without beginning and without end, that my time on earth is but a speck, a moment, a very short time relative to the whole.
♦ God or a supreme being exists; the irony of that is that we are all a part of that one supreme being, which is our home where the heart of us originates and lives, but separated from it by our earthly physical vessels (bodies). God is supreme, but we are God, so we are also supreme, but don’t know it. Somehow fear separates us from embracing our true origin and existence. Where I went there was no fear. No worry. I felt more a sense of curiosity, a kind of “so this is what it’s like!” Just being in the moment. Here I am. Part of the universal knowledge was understanding earthly sorrow left behind. But there It was all beauty, not in a physical or visual sense of beauty because where I was there was no color or shape, yet in the sense of emotion and knowledge wrapped into one that I can’t possibly put into words. Pure joy, pure peace, pure love, purity itself that was love.
♦ The infinity, oneness, flexibility, omniscience of all beings; that it is our physical bodies that separate us from the One that we are, as water poured from a pitcher into individual glasses, where we stay until we die and return to the whole. Another knowledge was all languages, spoken and unspoken. The purpose I received was to circulate this knowledge, and the love, to get it to as many ears and reach as many souls as humanly possible, and then some. Knowledge that love is the purpose, or that the purpose of love, is life. Love doesn’t come from life, but the other way around: life comes from love. Love is first, and generates life. love is the breath.
♦ Love expands the universe and love is the connection, but it isn’t “love” as in specific one-on-one relationship love, but rather a universal philanthropy that covers all, embraces and digests all so that all oneness is love.
♦ I encountered information that human interpretation of biblical or religious nature is often wrong, made by man and described or explained for man in human terms, but mostly wrong. That our human minds are young and frail and underdeveloped, almost primitive; that our lives are merely a moment in universal time, and we are like specks of dust, or merely cells all making up the one universal Creator. The only redemption we have on earth is love. Love is what makes us: we ARE love, it’s what we are made of, not something we do. I encountered information that we are literally Jesus’ brothers and sisters like he tried to tell his followers in his time. I learned his message was very much simpler than mankind has since made it. We are God. We come to this earth in human form and then begin to mold ourselves in to human likeness, taint ourselves with human habits. Jesus was no less human than we are; he chose to stay connected with God above everything else, and teach what he knew, even at the risk of death, but what he knew and tried to teach was not as difficult as we since have made it out to be. The Christian cycle of life is really not much different than Israel’s cycle of defeat and faith in the Old Testament. Christians have the same, almost identical fallacies, just by a different name. Jesus warned his followers at the time, to not fall under the same human tragedy that his forefathers and peers had done, exploiting God and religion. His message was so simple, but it’s been twisted and turned and exploited in the same way. And the earth will cycle as it’s always done.
♦ The experience is almost impossible to express in words. Even the best expressions are far too limited, even expressions like “love” or “peace” or “joy” are just too banal. It was purely being, and all that that encompasses. Yes it’s difficult to express. Likewise, to say my thoughts were speeded up would be inaccurate since we express and experience time in a timeline that goes from A to B, linear I guess. All thoughts were as one, simultaneous yet clear. They simply were, and I understood. It was more like layering yet also flowing. So I guess that would be most like “incredibly fast” even though I don’t think that describes it properly.
♦ There was no limit or place where I ended and someone or something else began. We were one, inseparable, independent but not separate.
“Everything so crisp and alive, you feel the pulse of the universe; you hear it’s breath; you’re aware of all the dimensions and time-zones and lack thereof. There is nothing on earth like it.” ~Jennifer