Fly! Fly Away Home!

AngelicView: When Carmen found out that her unborn baby had Trisomy 18 – a condition that is incompatible with life – she and her husband made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. What followed was miraculous, in that she was able to observe her baby’s spirit leave her body and return home. Thanks, Carmen, for sharing your story 🙂

In December 2008 my partner and I were ecstatic to find out I was pregnant. I had never had a child before.

At around 10 weeks I went in for a standard CVS procedure to check for chromosome defects.  It took over a week to get the results that our fetus has a Trisomy 18.  Since this defect causes late term miscarriage or death of the baby within a few days after birth, we decided to terminate the pregnancy.  Because I was at the start of the 2nd trimester, the doctor said I need a D&E abortion with general anesthesia.  This entails going to the GYN doctor the day before and have laminaria (sp?) seaweed sticks inserted into the cervix to open it up in preparation for the procedure the next day.

As my partner and I walked out of the doctor’s office and down the hallway towards the elevator, I had the psychedelic sensation of the floor feeling like it was giving way beneath my feet.  It felt like walking on 1 foot high memory foam. I was telling this to my partner and as we got to the elevator I turned towards him and fainted.  He says that I, “wilted like a flower.”

Once on the floor it was as if a hole/space with blurred edges had opened up in the side of the hospital and I could see the landscape outside the building. I wish I was a painter and could create a picture of it… I saw a small cloud-like tuft move out of me, out the building and up towards the sky where I felt the presence of many beings turned towards and welcoming the spirit moving out of me.  To me it felt like the same energy as if walking towards a party with many people – like the energy of many beings. I have a mental image of these beings being white and surrounded by whiteness.  I also sensed a beautiful, comforting, peaceful music.  I don’t think I heard music and I have no auditory memory of music, but somehow I sensed this wonderful music. (Maybe my feeling of music is just that this experience was just so all encompassing that I cannot separate the sensory experiences.)

I wanted to follow the spirit and fly upwards, but at that moment felt the weight of my body.  I opened my eyes and saw a doctor leaning over me.  I immediately closed my eyes again, wanting to go back into the experience (like when I wake from a good dream and want to go back into it), but by this point I could hear the doctor talking and I was back in my body, feeling the cold floor beneath me.

The doctor pointed my partner and I to an examination room and we waited there for 15 or 20 minutes. My partner thought a doctor would come see how I was doing, but it was Friday afternoon and my sense was that everyone in the clinic was trying to finish up and go home so I insisted to my concerned partner that I was fine and we could leave to walk home.

During the 20 minutes walk home, I told my partner that I could feel that the baby was gone.  While the whole time I had been pregnant I had a sense of there being a life inside of me, now that sense was gone.  I felt empty and alone.

Related Story: “Holding the Door Open to Eternity, So We Can Catch A Glimpse

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2 thoughts on “Fly! Fly Away Home!

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