AngelicView: This NDE’er (Near Death Experiencer) not only has a great story to tell, but he’s also one heck of a writer! He was completing his training as a Marine just as a Flesh-Eating Virus was about to over-take him. Because of the way the questionnaire is set up, the stories sometimes feel a bit fragmented, but I’m going to try to put this one in order the best I can for you. Definitely a must-read (if you are interested in the subject, that is). By the way, the emphasis placed on certain words or groups of words in italics are my own. Thanks so much to Scot for sharing your story 🙂
I was very self serving, I was derogatory towards people I thought were different than myself. I was a bit racist, I was stereotypical and judgmental. I had the absurd notion that I could change people and that if I cared enough they could see life the way I do. It was wrong to force somebody to see another’s interpretation of existence. We all have a path to walk and at the end of it is the greatest treasure. The more pain you alleviate or create from those who pass your path alters a course you have yet to see…
My platoon had just completed the crucible, our final trial comprising over 150 miles of humping with 75lb packs on our backs. As our battalions for 2nd battalion were arranged around the Iwo Jima memorial, awaiting the Eagle, Globe and Anchor to signify our graduation from recruit to Marine, a disease was eating my flesh. When my company XO set that EGA into my palm, white light washed over me, I saw battles and blood, and the next time I awoke I was on a helicopter being med-evac to the Medical University of South Carolina for treatment of my disease.
The nurse had just pushed a catheter into me, people were frantic, and I was dying. I knew it, I had just gotten off the phone with my mother and father after not hearing their voice for over 3 months while going through boot camp. I tried to pull the catheter out and the nurse screamed, “No!, we’re trying to save your life.” I knew things were serious. Waves of heat were pouring from my body one moment, the next, there was ice flowing through my veins. I couldn’t keep it together, I was spasming and contorting all the while people were spinning uncontrollably around me. I was rushed into a surgery room with a theatre above me. There were a lot of people watching me but all I could see was the gleam of a metal table in front of me. I was moved gently to the table, realizing I was part of a very sophisticated ritual. The table was a single piece, no wider than my body and metal arms were put under each side of the rectangle table to support my arms.
I was stretched out with arms to the sides and as myself began leaving my body, I could see myself from above. I looked like a crucifixion laying there, and then things, all things, time… space… the things man had thrown into space… all became dust to the wind I rode now. I was beyond the trinkets man had thrown into space and I was… moving.
It wasn’t a tunnel, it was a bridge of some sort, that took what I was from here to there… imagine looking out upon a range of mountains and imagine those mountains moving to come to you… now, imagine the entirety of space coalescing into that brief moment scientist call the big bang and that’s what it was like.
The mind can squint at certain thoughts, how does one describe all the light in the universe becoming directed at you?
It was too fast, my time was cut short, emotions I had thought were bound only to flesh became punishment for the trials I had failed. The shame of that which had made me, as it…it touched me, but not a violation, interpreted the anger and the pain of a vessel lost. I was there for years, alone in that place, with nothing but the memories of life to tide me over. Whatever the place was, it was the most imaginable place I had ever witnessed, even through a vacant form. I heard words in different orders, thoughts became imaginings and imaginings became manifestations. I used the things he or it gave me in that place and they were things most forget to use when they are bound.
Knowing that everything you do is catalogued, everything will be relived when you pass, you will see your greatest moments and your worst ones. You will relive every lie and the pain associated with that lie. You will recall every painful moment you caused another and you will experience what they experienced. If you killed many animals, even for survival, you will experience every one of those deaths. Your conduct during those events will directly effect how much pain you experience. You will see your transgressions laid bare and you will have to answer to what you were thinking when you did that to that which created you and gave you free will. We are within the mind of the creator and what we do to his creations, we do to him/it/she as well…..
There were no beings, no prophets, no others that I could see. I knew there were others looking at me, watching me, but it was with indifference and reservation, like I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be yet, but I was here for a very specific reason. When I did begin thinking about God, about the creator and about the bible, I did hear a voice, it said that book, all books, are not his/it’s. He said his words don’t come from books but from existence within the moments of life. Every time I thought about the bible, the same words came to me…”not mine”.
I was deep in the mind that is the cosmos. We are all just imaginings in the mind that creates everything, even the source of our thoughts. And all this time I thought my thoughts were my own…how easily deceived we are by our very creator. It is not a he, it is not a she, it is EVERYTHING. And we and everything here is a piece of that everything. You have no idea what it means to become everything.
I was only a mind in that world, but a mind that could manifest desire. There were places I couldn’t go, places that needed form to witness and the cosmos was the playground. As the breadth of all that is here became the breath I now used, I knew I was stuck somewhere in-between the here and the there. I still find it hard, almost 15 years later, to know the words to describe the experience and I realize now I am still at a loss. Becoming everything and nothing, the duality of what we fail to see we are, was all that seemed to occupy my mind. All the fallacies of life and the indoctrinations used to manipulate the spirit that controls the body… it was too much to know.
After years of solitude, alone with this mind in a space too far away from here to even comprehend, I heard tones… resonances. It is a sound too familiar, one of dawn like the rush of protons dancing across the lens of a planet… and the song healed whatever was broken inside of me. I was awash once more within pure emotion as the tides of eternity moved my mind back to what I was before. From peace, from solitude in the oceans of the creators mind, I was… pushed. Back into life I became then.
Screams resounded in my flesh, echoes through the spaces in between what I was to what I had become. From 160lbs, 2% body fat… I reclaimed a destroyed vessel. My new form weighed 96lbs of nothing but bone and flesh. My mind remained, all those years alone with nothing but the resonance of creation drumming in my mind, I was altered from all that I knew before.
I am sure that as time passes, I will become better able to explain what happened and what I experienced. I don’t think the words have been invented yet to accurately describe what it means to look beyond the veil, to see through the disguise of the universe…for, it is an illusion of what it truly is.
Something was left over, something was altered… refined, and visions of my ancestors still fill my dreams. My great grandmother was Native American, 100% Blackfoot Indian. I keep having the same dream of tear stained faces of those ancestors standing defiantly somewhere out west, Wyoming or South Dakota…I keep feeling it’s South Dakota…Custer State National Park. I don’t recall any experiences before boot camp, not as my own in any sense of the word. I remember the screaming, the yelling and the running of boot camp…always running, always screaming…and then life. I remember being reborn, starting over, learning to walk again. I remember learning to see, to breathe and to smell once more, and every one of those experiences still remain vivid in my mind. To wake up already grown for the first time, with not memory of all that came before… life is miraculous.
I was able to tune things out before, to sit back and remain a vigil to the progression of life around me. I don’t feel that way anymore.
I hear frequencies, resonances and tones. I know when the moon is going to rise, I can hear it, it makes such beautiful bell sounds does it not? The sun has it’s own sound that is easy to pick out and it wakes me up an hour and a half before it comes up, everyday.
I hear the frequencies of people now, the ‘vibe’ I guess you could call it. I can tell if somebody is out of tune but I know it’s not my responsibility to tell them though. As it told me, gifts are not to be squandered and to be Godlike, one has to know that God strums the most instrumental of the strings in this world. There is a tremendous amount of pain associated with feeling and hearing these frequencies as well because there are man made frequency generators that compete and interfere (on purpose) with the frequencies of the creator. I know that man does not want people vibrating in these ethereal realms… for, if people were to become aware…
I realize now that all religions started as a great way to commune with the creator. But, unfortunately, the divisive forces that divide people through football and branding use religions to divide people as well. God is something that is all of us, the creator imagined everyone of us, in all our different shapes and sizes and gives all of us a path to walk to reaching what we are to become.
The caterpillar has no knowledge of what it is to become. It is a worm bound to a small acre of land. It’s physical rules tell it to crawl and eat leaves and it follows it’s marching orders. When the caterpillar dies, it does not mean it’s death as it is reborn as something new, with a whole new set of rules. When we pass, we are not as we were and the rules are no longer permissible to what it is we become.
I experienced truth, the knowledge of it all. It was all laid bare, split right down the middle, and I probed every incessant part of it for those years I spent in that timeless place. History… his story… the story as the victor would tell it… I learned who the real heroes of history were. The people who came before, who were there during the trials of humans experiences…
Everything we see in the cosmos is a record of the past, an eternal recording of the deeds of the creators creations locked into space on the galactic hard drive that is the universe. Planets and galaxies, too far away to get to, hold the information of our lives and you can not lie to the creator, you exist within his/it’s mind, we all do, and none of our transgressions are ever kept secret. The ‘recorder’ that is the universe…well, it’s not just a recorder, it’s a manifestor.
You will see when you pass, if you’ve lived right, kind and just.
It’s all clear now, the passage from here to there, the time from cradle to the grave…no matter the path through life one takes, the destination for everyone is the same. We manifest our own thoughts, our own realities and we delve into worlds within worlds all the while others raise their fences, though, the path to get from here to there has many divergences indeed and the unending truths about how to get there remain ever laws of the universe… laws people aren’t aware of, but restrict them just the same.
My I.Q. went from 125 before the accident to over 150, off the charts the Veteran’s Affair had anyway during my placement test for vocational rehabilitation. I can feel people’s emotions, and understand internally what they are thinking about me, if they are being two faced or not without even being with 10 miles of them. I just KNOW what’s going on somehow. This has caused me to reject city life in return for wide open spaces where my mind is not as tangled. Too many people in too much pain live in cities and it’s painful for me to be around so many who suffer.
When I came back, I began hunting, a lot. I had never been one to hunt for existence, but I was overwhelmed with the desire to kill and disrobe the creatures of the planet. I knew which parts of the creatures could be used for medicine, I knew how to extract adrenal glands and process the animals own adrenaline for my consumption. I knew how to use the brains to tan the skin to use for clothing. After I regained enough strength I left the cities of my home and struck out westward. I travelled through Custer State National Park, saw Mt. Rushmore and then moved to live in Jackson Hole, Wyoming for 3 years. I lived off mostly what I could kill. I walked mountains and confronted grizzlies and mountain lions, none who would even look in my direction. I no longer know any fear and don’t feel like I should. Watching grizzlies walk away from you and lay beneath giant pine trees without a care in the world has a tendency to calm one.
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
― Spencer Johnson, Who Moved My Cheese?
“The human mind, no matter how highly trained, cannot grasp the universe. We are in the position of a little child, entering a huge library whose walls are covered to the ceiling with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written those books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books, a mysterious order, which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of the human mind, even the greatest and most cultured, toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranged, obeying certain laws, but we understand the laws only dimly. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that sways the constellations.” ~Albert Einstein