Pure, Unquestionable “Knowing”

AngelicView: Posting for you today from Arizona – I will be home tomorrow night.

This is a meditation/prayer experience that looks a lot like an NDE. It is known that meditation can bring on an NDE-like experience. Why? Well, no one really knows. However, I would venture to say that it has something to do with the reality of our consciousness. Remember, everything isn’t always as it appears. 😉

To give you a quick background on myself and my experience, I grew up in a funeral home family. Obviously growing up in this environment I became interested in life/death, the meaning of life, God, etc., very early in my life.

I was raised Protestant Christian and always had a strong belief in God but as I grew up, I developed questions and explored other religions and beliefs because of unanswered questions. During my 30th year of life after exploring basically every religion and spiritual exercise I could find, eg. Christianity, Gnostic Christianity, Judaism and Kabbalah, Muslim and Sufi, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, and, because of my native American ancestry, a lot of Shamanism, I had the most profound experience of my life.

I had, in my past, experienced many different profound spiritual experiences including traditional native vision quests, profound dreams, and a peyote vision experience. But nothing I had experienced before came even close to the enlightenment I achieved in my 30th year.


I didn’t die, or even have any life threatening experience, in fact, I had a wonderful day and was extremely happy and optimistic about the way things were going in my life. I laid in my bed at night and reviewed the day in my mind, talking to God in my own casual way, thanking Him for how well things were going, and I felt a strong, pleasant energy growing up through my spine getting stronger and stronger. Then I noticed floating in front of me a candle burning with a pure white flame. Before I could even question why a candle was floating in front of me, or whether I was hallucinating, that put white flame grew and grew until it filled my entire vision.

The next thing I knew, I was floating in a dark void. I couldn’t see my body but felt that my “body” was there. I knew I was complete but didn’t really have a body at all. And even though I seemed to be all alone in a vast dark void, I had no fear. In fact, I felt fantastic. I knew I wasn’t in my body anymore and even “knew” that I was dead, but I still existed. And this made me feel even more ecstatic.

All my life growing up in the funeral business I had always worried that all the religions were wrong and we might just be gone once we die. But here I was, standing in the void, completely separate from my physical body and I was still here, still thinking and aware. I had the wonderful feeling of knowing I was still alive and would be for eternity.

Then I became aware that I was in outer space and I could see the earth. As I looked at the earth it changed to the image of millions of people holding hands and feet together, almost like a soccer ball stitching, to create a globe of people. And I was filled with the knowing that we are all One, but still individuals. It’s impossible to describe this knowing. We can speak of it and even somewhat understand the concept, but at this time I truly felt the strange contradictory idea of being purely individual and the piece of a whole at the same time.

As I relished in this feeling, I noticed a presence coming toward me, and for some reason I knew it was God, or some authority. When I realized this I became humble and felt that I was not worthy to be in the presence of God. The moment I thought this, a chorus of what seemed like millions of voices told me, “the ‘I’ is never…” and they continued to list every negative, fearful trait you can think of, angry, judgmental, punishing, etc. And I began to feel this unbelievable ecstasy, this feeling of pure love, acceptance, approval, and peace that I have never experienced.

I knew immediately that everything was perfect, that every single seemingly unimportant event in my life had led me to right where I was and that everything was happening exactly as it is supposed to. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of pure love, acceptance, and perfection. I bathed in this wonderful feeling as I soon realized that I understood “everything”. I knew the meaning of life, the purpose of everything, and it was all so simple.

There was no actual voices, it was a form of telepathy but even more powerful than that, it seemed that the instant I had a question, the knowledge was immediately in me, not just understanding, but a pure, unquestionable “knowing”. I do not remember to this day what everything was about but I still remember that feeling of, “oh my God, it’s sooo simple, how could we not know this”, but unfortunately that’s all I remember of the purpose of everything.

After experiencing the knowledge of our purpose, I remember asking God, or whatever authority I was in the presence of, “what about my blah, blah, blah?” (personal behaviors I had sometimes felt guilty about) I had the immediate answer of, “do YOU have a problem with it?” and when I answered no, it replied, “then why would I?” and I was filled with the knowing that I could do whatever I chose. That this life was my choice to experience. A beautiful gift to me, to be able to explore whatever I wanted while always having the security of a loving, eternal God to take me back home when I was finished.

At this point I realized that I knew and was given more answers than anything I had ever studied before and wondered if that meant I must die and not return, but the answer I got was a choice. “do you want to be dead now?” I was asked by the Presence. I knew it was completely my choice and I chose to return with a new vibrance and love of life, since I knew it could be whatever I chose it to be.

As soon as I answered I felt myself moving back towards my body, but at the last “stage” I guess you could call it, I noticed that there was this veil, this membrane that separated me from the physical, and I saw my grandfather there. I was always close to my grandfather and he had died 7 years before this experience, but I saw him there and he smiled at me and I telepathically was told by him,”I’m doing great. I’m ok. I’m just here watching your grandmother and waiting for her to cross”.

I smiled back and crossed through that final “membrane” and felt myself pour into my body through the top of my head. Once my spirit had entered my body, I felt as if I was in an alien form. It was like it was completely new to me and as I came back to consciousness and began to move my body, it was strange and beautiful, like I was something else controlling this magnificent organism like a robot.

I continued to dwell in this wonderful feeling of love and peace through the night. And for the next day I strongly felt this extraordinary power within me. It seemed like when I interacted with people the next day that I could completely understand them immediately without them saying anything. I seemed like I knew exactly what they were feeling and what they needed to hear when I interacted with them. It was mind blowing, but unfortunately did not last. I soon felt “normal” again and have yearned ever since for that feeling and that experience. But NOTHING in my life has ever come close to this experience, nothing before, and nothing since.

Thank you Matthew


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