A Meditation Experience
Prior to the experience I had on Christmas day 2010, I had been practicing a certain form of meditation whereby my focus was on concentrating on what I call the “space” that is between my thoughts. What I was trying to accomplish was staying in that space with an attempt to reach a state of mindlessness. After many hours of practicing this, one day (prior to the experience), during one of my sessions I felt a very strong wave of energy go through my entire body. The first time that this happened it scared me, and as it was happening I immediately resisted the feeling and bounced back out of the deep state that I had reached during the meditation. After thinking about the experience I did not know what to make of it and I thought that I might have been at the threshold of death it self. Weeks later it happened again and I began to become very curious about what would happen if I did not resist the energy that was overtaking me. I began to work up the courage in preparation for the next time that this happens to surrender to the feeling without any resistance. On Christmas day 2010, I was experiencing some difficulties with my family and we were not speaking to each other.
I was single with no children and feeling very alone at that time. You might say that I was willing to explore where this state would take me because at the time I felt alone in the world and other than my belief in God, I was feeling very lonely (particularly because of the holidays) and unloved. This I guess helped me to have the courage to not resist this should it happen to me again. On the day that my experience happened I was laying down and I began to focus on my meditation when I felt what I would describe as walking through a door that led from being in a conscious state that included various attachments to what I would call a pure state of only awareness. Upon entering this state I remember having the feeling of being awe struck at the shear feeling of what I can only say is far beyond words. Trying to describe it would be pointless and very misleading to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves.
Subsequent to this experience, I have yet to be able to reach this state a second time, however I have not tried many times due to the fact that if I were to reach this state again, I might not choose to return. It is also very difficult (at least for me) to reach this state, as it takes a lot of concentration. Since then I have also decided that I am not ready to leave this earth or this body yet, however I feel that if I were, that it would be possible to do so via this path. This experience has shown me something that I would like to attempt to describe in words; what I believe is that while we are in this body, we are equipped with the consciousness that comes with it. The difference between how I view what this consciousness is, in relation to my view of what awareness is, are two different things. Awareness for me is what is behind the consciousness that comes with the functioning of mind and body. The awareness behind it however is of a much broader, infinite nature. The thoughts that we all have in our consciousness appear to be a constant stream that is continuous and linear in nature. However, upon intense concentration on what is an iota of time between our thoughts, I believe that what I have experienced was a gateway leading out of consciousness and into the hidden spectrum of pure awareness that lies beyond. While in this state, I have no memory of breathing, or any other bodily functions that would be obvious in a normal state of consciousness.
- How do you explain infinity in words? Here is a very feeble attempt; you are an individual ice cube and you are dropped into an infinite ocean of water. Upon entering the ocean you immediately become the entire ocean, including all of the life forms within it, aware of all that is going on all at the same time.
- The experience was void and yet all encompassing at the same time. It was a state of demanifestation with the seeming power to remanifest should I choose to introduce thought. It was kind of like this; I wasn’t thinking but if I did think, I would become what I was thinking. Therefore, I dared not think about anything because that would have meant that I would have manifested out of total awareness and bliss. Being in this state was beyond bliss, you want to stay there and not do anything to disturb it.
- This was a state of infinite power that leaves all emotions way behind. When I think of emotions I think of feelings that are brought on by certain events or perceptions. Here, the state I was in was well beyond this. It was a state of total awareness and Knowingness. When you are already aware of everything that there is that pertains to you, there is nothing left to be emotional about.
- I did not unite with the world or universe. I was the world and the universe, and everything else. There was not anything to understand. This state was beyond that. To “understand” is to imply that you understand this but you don’t understand that. Here, there was nothing to understand, there was only everything to know.
- What I experienced was essence. How do I describe essence? I will try, but again this is a very feeble attempt… Essence: a continuous melting pot of unlimited unmanifested power, capable of becoming anything- ANYTHING!- at the spur of the moment, being aware and knowing at all times everything that ever was, and ever will be possible, including the seemingly impossible (there is no such thing as the impossible except that it is impossible for God to not be God) Essence: Pure love, for lack of a word that is beyond love.