A Part of Me
A Spiritually Transformative Event (STE) and Spontaneous Out of Body Experience (SOBE)
I was laying in my bed, it was dark in my room, however not very late. I could hear my family watching TV in the living room outside my bedroom door. I was not asleep, yet not completely awake either. I was actually taking to myself internally. I was thinking about what actually happens when we die, if what I believed to be true, was really indeed true? I have always been one to question everything in life. I have always been one to have to experience something to actually believe it. Faith, I was never good at. I always was in my head thinking. Even though my entire life I had always been intuitive and had seen things most people hadn’t, from a very young age, I still questioned it. I’ve always sought validation in my feelings and emotions even when those feelings seemed to be greater then the sum of my self, I was always searching.
I suddenly saw a pin point of light in the left hand corner of my room. I was immediately thrown off so to speak. It wasn’t there a second ago! I remember I said to myself “what is that?!” I felt a pull upwards, a release and I knew my physical body was left on the bed below me. As soon as I acknowledged the light, I was in it. I can’t even tell you in language the colors that I saw. Reds, greens, purples and blues that I have never seen before. The colors themselves were alive. They were all around me, like a worm hole of sorts. I felt a tunnel like presence around me, the swirling of colors and lights were amazing. Amazing, doesn’t even cut it, but there are no other words I can use to describe them. Life alerting, yes that probably works here. It was just that. I was being pulled upwards and outwards all at the same time. I could think and I was actually still talking to myself. I didn’t see my hands of feet, I just felt like I was a pulsing energy sliding around. The feeling would be similar to being on a water slide, yet not going down, going up.
Being pushed out of the end of this tunnel I found myself in a belt of what looked like to be stars above me and below me. I didn’t find myself immersed within the stars, because they weren’t in close proximity where I could touch them, yet there they were everywhere above and below me. I had to take a second. I tried not to think of anything. Just then I was aware of a space in front of me. It was like a corridor or sorts. Before I finished my thought about what that might be, I was in it! Boom, I was just there. I saw a sparkling light at the end of the corridor. I deliberately didn’t initiate the feeling of wanting to be there, because honestly I wanted to be right where I was. I knew if I thought it, I would be there at the end of this hallway immediately. To call it a hallway doesn’t really fit either. It was luminous all by itself. I was definitely within something, but it was see-through as well. I guess the best way to describe it would be like a hologram.
There to my left on a screen was my life. I could see it! Me! I saw and felt all of my choices in this lifetime. There was absolutely NO judgment attached to it. None. I wasn’t judging my life, simply seeing it. To my right was dim. I “felt” like the right side was reserved for when I actually did physically die. I would be privy to it then. It was all my possibilities all my angels of all decisions that were played out in a different realm. As if lets say, I decided not to get married when I did. What my life would of been, and yet it actually was played out, just not in the psychical body type of way. It was still acted out. It was all the “probables” in life. I asked in feeling not in voice, why I was here. I was told, it was because I had asked to be there. I knew this voice, as it was comforting and familiar and yet I knew it was God. How is that possible?
I immediately questioned the voice, as it was female. I had always envisioned “God” to be male. I had expected to be greeted in a male voice. I was shocked to hear/feel that I had chosen this voice, because it was MINE! I suddenly knew, I was part of the universe. I was not separate. I was not some being cast into a world and separated from God, I was God, if you will. I was part of the universe, what ever you want to call it. I knew then and there, we were all apart of this life force. It was all encompassing, all around me. I could feel like I was a balloon, being given air, expanding and then contracting. I was free, and yet I was connected to this voice. This voice was a layer, a layer of a billion other souls speaking. I can’t describe it. I knew I was not alone there. I actually felt and saw a billion souls of light behind a hazy almost curtain like substance in front of me. I was delirious with the feelings of love and hope. I could feel every other souls compassion and love for me. It was the most overwhelming, most extraordinary thing.
I heard the thoughts of everyone, and yet it wasn’t craziness like voices in ones head, it was all thoughts and it all made sense. I knew the images that I wasn’t able to see to my right were also all of the lives I was living all at the same time! This was completely foreign to me, as I had always believed in reincarnation and “past” lives, not simultaneous lives. I didn’t even know it was a possibility. I now knew it was. Why would we live lives all at once? Wasn’t the purpose to evolve through each life and to live and learn and do better the next go around? Evidently not really. I got the distinct impression we were living lives to raise consciousness. By raising the vibration around us, we changed the earth, we changed the experience of life.
I felt so safe, so complete. It was apparent how fractured I felt before. How separated I had felt. Even though I knew we were connected as people, I didn’t know we were all the SAME. We had all the same knowledge with in us. I went forward to the end of the corridor towards the haziness and beautiful lights. I noticed an old boyfriend of mine, he was holding flowers, pink and white. He was on the outside of the corridor and he moved through it towards me. I felt is love, and I was thrown off as to why he was even there. I didn’t know he had passed away some years earlier. I had no idea. I had often thought about him, and missed him, a teenage love I hadn’t seen in years. I thanked him for being there. I turned to the right and saw my then father-in-law’s mother. She had her arms extended towards me. I didn’t know her in “real” life that well before she passed away. She looked like she did when she passed. White hair, pretty smile. I asked her why did she still look so old? (there’s me questioning again!) She then changed to a beautiful young girl. She told me her form was dependent on her own will. She could be anything and everything. I thanked her for being there also but asked why my own grandfather wasn’t there? She stated he was very busy, but he was always there, always around me, as we are all part of the same energy source.
I was handed a orange crayon. Yes a crayon. I was told I needed to let go of all my fears. I was instructed to write them in the air. I did. I started writing the exact words “fear, lost loves, frustration, hate, unworthiness.” All of my hurtful feelings towards myself and others. I was told to release them. As I wrote the top of the list dissipated. Like a scroll of some kind. I felt incredible. I felt like I was perfect, like everything was as it should be. Every piece of the puzzle was in place. I was aware of things on the outlying edges of my own consciousness. Like all I had to do was focus on them, as they were already there, just allow them into my sight. Everything I could ever want, was available. I just had to let it in. See it. Kind of like when you loose something. You go back and look and look in the same places. Suddenly, the 10th time you’ve opened the drawer, you see it there! It wasn’t magically put there, it was there the entire time, you just didn’t see it! Now, I saw it!! It was the law of manifestation right in front of me. How everything is there, I just have to let it come forward. If I got rid of all this fear, and all the feelings it created, I could effortlessly let it roll into my line of vision. It was already mine, I just needed to see it.
I wanted behind the veil. I thought of it, and half expected to be sucked into it, but I wasn’t. I was told I couldn’t enter that realm just yet, as I was needed back in my body. That behind the curtain was reserved for when my life expired on earth. I asked what it was like behind there. I was told more like felt, it was all peace, love and understanding. I understood that thoughts created form. So I pictured myself in a huge glorious house. It was strange because, I actually felt my ego. I had never felt my ego separate from myself. My ego wanted some big elaborate house, but every other soul there, didn’t need some big huge house. They all created something for themselves that was healing, and I knew behind that curtain, healing and love, understanding all with out the presence of ego or judgment awaited. I knew I was the only one judging my self. I was even judging my house! Ego was not part of the after life. I could feel a pull in the middle of my being, and I knew my time left there was very limited. I didn’t want to leave. I felt to complete and whole. I felt loved, loved!! Real love, not the kind peppered with judgment and scrutiny. I was part of something, I wasn’t different, I was the same. I asked with my feelings, if I could please just get a fleeting glimpse of what it will be like when it is my time to die.
I suddenly without warning, heard and felt the loudest party. I felt and saw my parents and friends and a million other beings clapping for me, welcoming me home. I saw the brightest light I have ever seen. It was like warm molasses and it filled every single speck of my being. The light was love, pure love. It was so spectacular, that I cry just writing this out. I was wanted. I was was loved. I was needed. I felt like a place had been waiting for me, and it would be waiting for me when it really was my time. That warm sunshine, thick molasses yellow light, was alive with feelings, abundance and self forgiveness. For a split second I knew what it felt like to be free of all worldly attachment and that will forever stay with me. To know, I am the creative force within my own life. That what I think and feel about myself and others affects my surroundings. I didn’t have to think a certain way to be accepted. I just was. I stood in the magnificent light, and understood I carry that inside me every day of my life. It hasn’t abandoned me. It is a part of me. As soon as I realized that, I felt a jerk backwards, boom no decent backwards of colors or beauty, I was again in my dark bedroom. I immediately began to cry.
~I heard a humming noise also, the humming noise though when I focused on it, was a million different voices, yet I was not confused by them.
~ It felt as if there was no time. I sensed that I was alive in other places. As in alive in other bodies, all at the same time. No one said this, I felt it. The feelings had knowledge attached to them, or better yet embedded in them, so if I felt it, I also “knew it”.
~I knew time was not A-Z. I felt a suspension in time. I knew life events were in “probables.” That nothing was set in stone. I knew that rigid beliefs were what actually keeps us kept within our selves. I understood that we over identify with out outer selves and under identify with what’s inside of ourselves. I knew the reason for life was to experience everything. That my soul wanted to be in the psychical. I had always thought it was life that was hard, and why the hell would we even want to be here? I had the understanding that life is what my soul clamors for. That to be in the psychical was something to be honored and thankful for. I felt myself releasing so many fears that were trapped inside myself. I was changed by what I saw and felt. I no longer was fearful to be me. The person who was always odd and different, because she had some weirdo gift that made her different. I sometimes still struggle with that, as I don’t wear my ability on a sign around my neck. However, I am not ashamed of it, or me. Not anymore.
~ I wanted to go further forward, into the area before me that was hazy. I could feel a million souls communicating at once, communicating with me. I really wanted to be fully enveloped into the scene. I heard and felt the voice tell me gently it was not my actual time to leave my life. I wasn’t given a choice to stay, or I am telling you, I would have. Even though I was not leaving a ailing body, I could of cared less about going back.
~ I knew I would be helping people with their own understanding of life, even though I had actually fought that my entire life. I never wanted to be “weird” or “different” I just wanted to be like everyone else. The more I pushed back against my ability to just “know” certain things in life, about people, places, events, the future, the more it came alive with in me. This is another example of that. How can something so significant happen to me, and be just a self serving purpose, such as just to be for me. I don’t believe that. So, with being intuitive, this isn’t something I can just keep dormant inside. Bits and pieces of this knowledge flood in and out of myself, unspoken every day. I don’t think I always have to talk to someone in need, just almost breath it out there. It’s the weirdest thing, to let energy flow from yourself to someone else and exchange that is unseen. I know if I feel it, at some level everyone can it. That we are all indeed connected.
~ We are all made of the same light, the same energy Being so connected, and seeing the similarities in myself and others has made it extremely easy for me to communicate with people and to support their own journeys here on earth. I am able to say tell people with complete certainty that we are all connected, that we are all one. I know there is absolutely nothing to fear about death, I know it is just a transition from the physical.
~ I started crying uncontrollably, when I suddenly jolted from my bed. It was my bodies response to something so overwhelmingly beautiful. The crying wasn’t from fear, but more like sensory overload of some kind.
~ That my physical mind started to immediately question what I had just encountered. I wanted to retain that feeling of overwhelming love and jubilation mixed with the “i just won the 100 million dollar lottery!!” excitement all rolled into one big feeling. I still feel it, but it is in the confines of my body and mind. It seams so much more diminished when I put it into words. Words seam more like boundaries, then all encompassing. If that make any sense.